I had an episode today.

I had an episode today. A few things went wrong and suddenly i was in a maniac depressive state.

Mid sob, i stood up, walked out of my room and boiled a pot of tea. I literally supressed it. Condensed the feeling to the point where i felt numb.

And like holding back on a puke, i feel sick to the pits, i dont feel emotional. Just physically sick. I gag like i want to vomit but theres nothing that wants to come out. Like my stomach is trying to expel something that wasnt even there in the first place.

1 month later.

So i guess i should describe what its like.

1. Extremely frustrating intially. The first 2 weeks were the hardest. The literal sight of skin made my cheeks redden.

2. Forgettable. By the second week, i had completely forgot about it. I was much more eager and engergetic in the mornings. And i didnt feel very sleepy at any time during my waking hours.

3. Aggression. My gym sessions felt more intense. I was lifting heavier weights than i was accustomed to. More so, i felt the need to burn a lot of pent up energy doing a lot of cardio.

4. Anxious. I often had to turn to other things to calm down. Games, music, a little bit of reading.

5. Bored. I was bored constantly cause i was so transfixed on getting through a day.

5. Relief. After i finally relieved myself.


I think its nice to take a break from constant stimulus all the time. Because a lot of things you might not find arousing become the liqour of gods the next second. I think its the feeling of green grass. You dont know what youre missing out on until you have lost it.

Which brings me to people who like S&M, or essentially 50 shades of grey. People like the tease and denial because it makes it so much worth it when you get what you wanted in the end you just dont know when.

For me it made me realise that guys comsume way too much fucking porn. And i think instead of doing a no fap november. It should just be quit porn december, or the like.

The 7th day.

I am not going to masturbate for a month. For the whole of February to be exact.

It is with immense displeasure that i write about this topic, as its not usually in the scope/taste of writing that i would like to cover. But consdering its a new year, its a new leaf. And i am going to be less restrictive of the things i write about.

Male testosterone levels on average can jump to about 140% of their usual levels. This is an interesting outcome i would like to have, I would like to see how a month of gymming and nonfap sessions takes a toll on my body.

So here goes nothing.

The 7th day.

A theory of abstaining from sexual activity postulates that sexual frustration increases aggression since testosterone would still be in the body instead of expelled due to ejaculation.

A “Clinical Journal of Sport Medicine” article by Samanatha McGlone and Ian McShrier, titled Does Sex the Night Before Competition Decrease Performance? and published in 2000, suggests that sex the night before has no effect on performance.

One example the authors cite from three physiological studies involved 14 married males to test their grip strength after at least six days of abstinence. This study suggests that sex had no effect on the men’s strength or endurance in the test. Another similar study tested “grip strength, balance, lateral movement, reaction time, and aerobic power” on 10 fit and married men with the similar results. The last study cited, Effects of sexual intercourse on maximal aerobic power, oxygen pulse, and double product in male sedentary subjects, also produced similar conclusions.

Since this is a physiological study, performance would degrade if the sexual activity lead to complete exhaustion. At most 250 calories are burned an hour during (aggressive) sex according to Dr. Gabe Mirkin. A study of heart rate, rate-pressure product, and oxygen uptake during four sexual activitiesshows that the maximum peak of exercise occurs during orgasm but quickly subsides to baseline levels thereafter.

However, that is not to say these studies are absolute. The authors suggest that the effects of aggression on non-physiological variables such as attitude and motivation should have been measured. In addition, there are a number of factors like time of day, stress, fatigue, frequency and duration of sex, diet, sexual partner, and individual sexual responses that are difficult to control in a study.

The article isn’t conclusive, but it also doesn’t dive into mentality at all. In general, sex doesn’t seem to have any significant physiological effects.

The purpose of this study is to gain understanding of the relationship between ejaculation and serum testosterone level in men. The serum testosterone concentrations of 28 volunteers were investigated daily during abstinence periods after ejaculation for two phases. The authors found that the fluctuations of testosterone levels from the 2nd to 5th day of abstinence were minimal. On the 7th day of abstinence, however, a clear peak of serum testosterone appeared, reaching 145.7% of the baseline ( P < 0.01). No regular fluctuation was observed following continuous abstinence after the peak. Ejaculation is the precondition and beginning of the special periodic serum testosterone level variations, which would not occur without ejaculation. The results showed that ejaculation-caused variations were characterized by a peak on the 7th day of abstinence; and that the effective time of an ejaculation is 7 days minimum. These data are the first to document the phenomenon of the periodic change in serum testosterone level; the correlation between ejaculation and periodic change in the serum testosterone level, and the pattern and characteristics of the periodic change.