I am in a state of anxiety and stress for no due cause
its 1132 am and everything just hurts
my head hurts.
I feel a little aimless. I feel so alone.
Do you ever feel alone in your thoughts?
And it goes on.
Recently i had an ECG just for practice and when i looked at my result, someone pointed out that i had an odd wave shape for my heartbeat.
Turns out i have a RBBB
A right bundle branch block (RBBB) is a heart block in the electrical conduction system. During a right bundle branch block, the right ventricle is not directly activated by impulses travelling through the right bundle branch. The left ventricle however, is still normally activated by the left bundle branch.
Normally, electrical impulses within your heart’s muscle signal it to beat (contract). These impulses travel along a pathway, including the right and the left bundles. If one or both of these branch bundles become damaged — due to a heart attack, for example — this change can block the electrical impulses and cause your heart to beat abnormally.
The underlying cause for bundle branch blocks may differ depending on whether the left or right bundle branch is affected. It’s also possible that this condition can occur without any known underlying cause. Specific causes may include:
- A heart abnormality that’s present at birth (congenital) — such as atrial septal defect, a hole in the wall separating the upper chambers of the heart
- A heart attack (myocardial infarction)
- A viral or bacterial infection of the heart muscle (myocarditis)
- High blood pressure (hypertension)
- A blood clot in the lungs (pulmonary embolism)
The main complication of bundle branch block is a slow heart rate, which can sometimes cause fainting.
People who have a heart attack and develop a bundle branch block have a higher chance of complications, including sudden cardiac death, than do people who have heart attacks and don’t develop a bundle branch block.
Because bundle branch block affects the electrical activity of your heart, it can sometimes complicate the accurate diagnosis of other heart conditions, especially heart attacks, and lead to delays in proper management of those problems.
Luckily most people with bundle branch block are symptom-free and don’t need treatment. Im positive that this is a benign factor, and healthy diet and exercise should really minimise any risks that would be likely from this defect.
Science aside, how does that make me feel?
A little stressed and worried, but since its not life threatening, im more or less alarmed at i never knew about it until today. At 24 years old. Its an odd thing to hear.
Dating girls is hard. Finding sane girls is harder.
Ive been having a tough time with my mental health lately. Im going to try and ease into some healthy habits again since ive actually got lazy with my depression management plan.
I will write up a little more about how i manage my depression and also provide some resources with how to manage it.
This has been my 7th year dealing with maniac depressive episodes.
Isnt that crazy?
Ill be honest, right now im teetering on the edge of it, id say from a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being happy and 10 being extremely suicidal, i would be about a 5/5 and a half.
Its been about a month [as you can see from my last post] since ive been put to this extreme but i am well within reasonable moods.
Have a lovely day/night readers.
Not sure if anyone still reads my blog [Ive made sure to make it difficult to access/boring to read/completely inane] but there are always some people who seem to visit from time to time.
I wont let it happen this year. Nor the next. I cant say itll end now. Maybe itll never end.
But not this year, fuck depression and depressive episodes.
I can feel it coming. Like fucking flu season. It feels like a heavy weight, vacumming any sense of joy from the inside. Like my heart was replaced with glue. Like anything bright and beautiful looked better in black.
Not this year. Im going to fight it and fight it and fight it.
Im going to take my vaccines and my chill pills and my fucking lovable dog poppy.
So when you hit rock bottom. Its a solid foundation.