on being angry.

lately ive realised a lot of my frustration and sadness is the sensation of being not in control of anything. As if the concept of being happy was inconceivable.

Work, money, friendships, relationships and any sort of carnal and spirital satisfaction has been out of my grasp.

To which i need to recalibrate and outline a plan to be in more control and so much more assertive.

I need to be assertive and tell people when i dont like something or i dont want to do something.

i think i would say i was a very stubborn and arrogant person.

Always being blessed by society and family too without any discomfort, and thus i watched from my perch like a bird looking down on her.

You could say as someone “loves their pet” in fact i did it for my pleasure, im like a person who raises their living toy in order to acquire feelings of love from it.

I saw her as i wanted to saw her. I liked her, because she fit into my dreams of what i wanted.


If I could ever think things through. If I could change my field of view Maybe I’ll end up with you. I cant recall the things I said. So I’m blaming you instead.

Because its the last thing i can do.


Lately ive been quite happy being alone, but still desiring some company. Ive turned to online dating a few times but lately its been quite hard. Maybe i havent/dont know how to talk to girls but it feels like every opening i do tends to just scare away anyone.

For example one coversation went like:

“Hey ** are you new to sydney huh?”

“Hey yeah i am, came from ***”

“Nice! what brought you into syd?”

“Just family, my whole family live in syd”

“oh i see! So what do you usually get up to around here? Uni/work?”

And the conversation ends there

Another conversation i had on tinder went like

“Hi *** hows your day?”

“Hi Alan, pretty good, how was yours? Whats your blood type?”

“Mine is B+, pretty common for most asians, how about you?”


Is it me? Do i have to go straight to asking for a number or am i just chatting up the wrong way?


some ideas i thought might contribute to the reason were

  • Im asian. One of the most statistically significant unattractive races out there.
  • Im not very interesting [I dont have an outstanding hobby or skill i vouch on]
  • My conversational style sounds like an interview/coversation with your teacher on parent teacher night


I think i have to take a risk and maybe just give a girl my number and hopes she calls me. (realistically though, i dont see that as being very successful)


I’m aware that I share a lot of myself over the internet. People like to mention it, for some reason. I share even more of myself in person, actually. It’s all done to stop people from questioning further, so the bits I really don’t want to share stay hidden simply because no one knows they’re there.

Actually it bothers me. I get the impression that people seem to think i’m caught unawares, and i tend to play along cause its honestly very weird to just go “Yes, i chose to do that. ON purpose. And its not a little secret we share so pls stop”

“We found that highly extroverted people are happier with their lives because they tend to hold a positive, nostalgic view of the past and are less likely to have negative thoughts and regrets, said the study author Professor Ryan Howell, a psychologist at San Francisco State University.

“People high on the neurotic scale essentially have the exact opposite view of the past and are less happy as a result.

“This is good news because although it may be difficult to change your personality, you may be able to alter your view of time and boost your happiness,” Prof Howell said.

The authors suggest that “savouring” happy memories or “reframing” painful past experiences in a positive light could be effective ways for individuals to increase their life satisfaction.

Numerous studies over the last 30 years have suggested that personality is a powerful predictor of a person’s life satisfaction.

These latest findings help explain the reason behind this relationship.

“Personality traits influence how people look at the past, present and future and it is these different perspectives on time which drive a person’s happiness,” Prof Howell said.

To assess time perspective, participants were asked such questions as whether they enjoy reminiscing about the “good old days” or whether they believe their future is determined by themselves or by fate.

People’s view of the past had the greatest effect on life satisfaction.

Extraverts, who are energetic and talkative, were much more likely to remember the past positively and be happier as a result.

People high on the neurotic scale, which can mean being moody, emotionally unstable and fretful, were more likely to have an anguished remembrance of the past and to be less happy.